Mail, Mail Go Away...or Don't

Mailers are evil. They are menacing tools of mercantilism disguised as innocent colorful sheets of so-called information. They are designed to influence and manipulate not unlike a power-consumed dictator. What more, they are the very cause of the prostitution of what's left of the earth's virgin forests.

Her Royal Hoboness marvels at how the envelopes her bills come in every month are stuffed to bursting with pages and pages of flyers, pamphlets and brochures when the statement itself is all of one page. Unsolicited ads routinely get introduced to the kitchen bin with nary a glance at their rambling-like-Britney copies. There's nothing special about the "Special Offers" pushed by big businesses, after all. 5-10% off of food or merchandise? Hardly attractive. I won't be so hot to visit an establishment for the promise of a couple of dollars' discount unless it's somewhere I've already been frequenting in the first place.

Hobo-hood has its quirky way of turning things around though. Suddenly, a one dollar voucher assumes a level of importance previously unperceived and that 5% discount now seems vaguely valuable, enticing even. Mailers that used to get sentenced straight into Incineration City all of a sudden gets a reprieve as I browse through them religiously for the first time, looking for a veritable steal - and a steal is what I found, indeed!

Buried deep within my credit card bill was a brochure for a supposedly award-winning wellness haven whose illustrious reputation gives the owners the license to rob their clients blind charge top dollar. 180 bucks for a 60-minute Balinese massage may sure seem reasonable when you factor in the welcome drinks, traditional dessert and a relaxing sauna session all within a modern sanctuary with full amenities, never mind that the reception smells a bit like a wet dog. Still, when other places offer just as good a massage even without the perks, it all seems a tad bit decadent and quite needless. With the help of my brochure though, I got the whole service for a mere S$30. I was gonna try the Couple's Package, with the additional body scrub and jacuzzi dip for just S$88 with my boyfriend but ze elkboy cannot make it the last minute so Her Royal Hoboness went ahead on her own.

All else considered, I would say it's the best experience one could get for 30 bucks, even when the Thai masseuse got a bit over-enthusiastic kneading and cracking my spine, leaving bruises on my back. Her Royal Hoboness still had an enjoyable time and it's all thanks to finally giving those evil mailers a chance.